How do I approach the situation without hurting her feelings/making her feel bad? Hey i am in a LDR and i need your help my gf is also depressed, she doesnt tell the stuff she is going through, yea she tells me most of the things but not that. Fact is the depression got better since he mey, I struggle with episodes now, not the full playlist, so to speak. Taken from Revenge Of The Goldfish. I still dont know what to do and I feel terrible. We started dating and since after 2 months shes been depressed. You have to start working on it, push things forward. And this is where our problems come in. Wow. Youve managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with these questions. It was a no-win situation for me. To pull something or someone from a higher to a lower position: She dragged down the boxes from the attic. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. During the relationship, she refused to be medicated or to be accompanied by a psychologist. Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. Sign up and Get Listed. please help! WE ARE ALL A PRODUCT OF OUR ENVIRONMENTS. But when you have a hobby, do make sure that you are always there for her when she needs you. Thank you for sharing. My advice to anyone going through this with a depressed person is just call it off and move on. I forgave her and forgot all of that. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. I am sometimes even tempted to leave her because she is holding me down (work/school). Whatever the reason may be (unresolved conflicts, lack of trust, etc. Im the one whos always giving the support and its draining me and she doesnt appreciate it at all and said she cant feel our love anymore. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: Im having similar issues as many of you aforementioned. My Girlfriend's Depression Is Bringing Me Down. This is a painful, complicated issue, and you deserve to have support as you work on figuring out what is best for you. We all have to remain positive people. You deserve to be happy as well. girlfriend is dragging me down I feel that my girlfriend is dragging me down and although she's happy in the relationship I'm not. She is loyal and would care for me no matter what but I cant keep bringing my own life down too to be on her level. I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! And I know hes going to hate me and say I dont understand. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. But you're dragging me down, down, down, down. It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." There has to be solutions. Compatibility Mechanical: 64 Bit (x64) She will need manpower to make the move happen. See what I mean? Im having this problem with my depressed gf too who I have been in a relationship with for almost 6 months now but lately, she changed from being caring to cold and selfish and I didnt do anything to anger her and treated her wth utmost care and lots of love since the beginning of our relationship. So I fight. Well, Ive dating this girl for the last half-year, after two years of deep depression, isolation, drugs & alcohol abuse and poverty. (You're so tired) But you just can't sleep. I am really surprised to see that there is so many cases of difficult relationships, and also that persons who write here are mostly guys dealing with broken girlfriends. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. I don't have the same motivation and drive and care about myself like I did when I was single. To go cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that? It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. I feel really lost. I came over this weekend, she didnt seem to be too excited, she made me dinner but kept glancing at her phone, this hurt because she made less effort to communicate with me get she was on her phone more than usual. Dragged Down. It drives me nuts when she sleeps all day. And he just feels like a failure and a burden onto everyone else to the point he has almost committed suicide twice. I am torn she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she doesnt look after herself. Please keep in mind that GoodTherapy.org is an exclusive directory. This then gives my anxiety about getting erectile dysfunction. She says she feels okay when she clearly doesnt, when I give her a hug during this time, she tenses up, keeps shaking her head, and really hates herself for the way she is. In your head, you know it's no big deal. Smoking and drinking! Before the depression she was great, and we saw each other very often. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. Shes suffered from depression throughout our relationship. Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. Dealing with a depressed girl isnt easy and there some moments of greatness and when it happens I take full advantage of it. When someone puts you down, deal with it by not immediately reacting to him. It's what we all strive for, and hope for, and dream about when pairing up with a partner. Me and my LDR girlfriend were originally together for 7 months, then took a break for 3, and now we are back together. If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. You tend to put blame on you, stop doing this. It's an affect that's truly worth noting. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. In the beginning of her depression I was able to make her feel better, but it was due to talking to her almost every waking hour in some form, and I would constantly have to reassure her that everything was alright. Official HD video of Dragging Me Down. This often happens when too much stress causes hyperarousal, which can upset the balance between sleep and wakefulness, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Before this everything was amazing, great relationship, we admitted to each other that we were in love and had fallen head over heals, amazing sex, I really felt like I had found my best friend. I myself am in a LDR with my girlfriend. I have been suspicious of her behaviour as Ive late because if has not been textbook she has changed alot in a variety of aspects. You might also want to look for a caretakers support group. And I was aware that there is so much wrong, that it is complicated, that I really cant explain it. 2. Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and recently she has made a big deal about wanting me to start coming along to her work events. I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. We do talk through alot of things and have a somewhat open dialogue, but I still feel resentful and angry when i feel shes not there for me, something i dont seem to get over, despite wanting to. I live with her in college and my exams have not been going well. 3. It Feels Like They Always Ask Too Much. Youve been shouldering a significant burden on your own for years; it sounds like you are ready to let someone help you carry the load. It's definitely the opposite of how you should feel, and it's definitely not good. All rights reserved. I think this is the best for us at this time, as I read up in this thread I see a lot of pain caused to both people as time goes on and I dont want that to happen to either of us. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you. Then she started talking that her family pressured her, about the meds and that she loved me, but had a really hard time. If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. When that happens, it may be time for some serious reflection. Yes, we all need help and support and Im in it til death do we part. She blames herself for everything, and says incredibly negative and hurtful things about her self. You need to be comfortable with who you are. First two years went well. The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. Is it over? I want so much to help her, but I feel like I have nothing else to give. She struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from the world. AND finally, when everything feels fine, she doesnt acknowledge anything that happened. I have a lower sex drive than hers. I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. Also, if her depression has lasted for years with no improvement, it might be time to look at changing the treatment plan. Best of luck to you on your journey. Healthy couples can chat about pretty much anything. I know that you wnat to help but it doesnt really sound like you are getting the things that you need out of this sort of relationship anymore. I love her so much and wish I could take her pain away, but I feel ive lost myself and no longer feel happy. 6. So even if you don't initially make the connection, your relationship could be why you're always up at night. That sounds like my issue too. When asked I would avoid the answer because I really didnt know, and when forced, probably I would put the blame on someone else or act with aggression. There is more to life than this, trust me. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could not concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. This could mean adding individual and/or group therapy to her treatment regimen, trying a new therapeutic approach, or making a change to her medication. Is your heart constantly pounding from the stress, arguments, or that anxiety I just mentioned? Its a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, but also where you are. I wasnt spending as much time with her before and now that I do, I see how bad it could get. Peace, Man, you guys are explaining my life. In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive change and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. But enough about me, what I suggest youd do is get a hobby, or something to distract you from thinking about her all the time. You are NOT responsible for the thoughts, feelings, or behaviors or others. ), it can really start to drag you down. I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out. And thats when shit will get unbearable for the two of you. Should I leave her be and wait for her to consult me? Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. "Trust is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing." It was me rationalising my emotions. I want her to be happy, and I hope you guys are luckier than me. Like i texted her after an hour or two and she read some of them. Im not sure whats going on but I let her know constructively that I considered leaving her I know its harsh but it was a reality check. He started changing we had an argument one time and he cut all way from his wrist to his elbow, I couldnt leave him I had to ditch my mam to see if he was okay before he went to work. Let she feels that you are proud of her. We list further resources on this page:https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, If you would like to get in touch with a therapist, you can search our directory for mental health professionals in your area: goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Dont worry too much about your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her anymore. It was new to me and i didnt know exactly how depressed people behave. Try thinking back to those in hard times (or look at the older texts again like you do, I do that too haha). of each person. But, I love her and I want to support her I dont want to turn my back on her. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. I love her a lot, I just miss her old caring cuddly self! Be willing to provide physical assistance. I started to seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention. She wont go to counselling nor will she take medication, she hurts herself knowing that it hurts me because it means iv failed once again to make her happy. Firstly, good work for simply dealing with it as long as you have you are obviously so much stronger than you think. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! does anyone have any pointers or ideas? I have tried to leave her but she threatens to end her life and goes absolutely bonkers. It would be way worse, and if you leave, then the relationship wouldnt be as big of a crutch and she and you can move on and grow. We can all get through this. I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. If things aren't going well, if there's a lack trust, or if you don't feel secure, then it makes sense that anxiety might become an issue. You're so tired. Its a selfish decision either way. She relies on me sitting down and talking sense to her, but I too feel like a caretaker, an older sibling or even a parent sometimes. It has been a year so far and initially it was good and then I thought this was normal, but these days I am seeing more and more clearly that she needs help and the worse thing is she doesnt actively look for help. From past one to two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety , bipolar disorder. I feel like if I do shell ask why I havent been talking to her, she wont message me for atleast 2 days if I do. Her aggression and fights are only there to tell you that she needs help, and help in this case is outside you two therapy, friends, new experiences. Youre so much less experienced and you know so much less than you think, Im not saying that as a criticism at all, Im sure youve been through more than I can imagine, but people have gone through this before and somehow got passed it to live their life for decades and decades. I beat my depression, i became happy again but after a year with my gf and trying to care for her depression i can feel it creeping back again. You say that they dont chose to become depressed no they dont but they can choose to help themselves. I would stand everything for her, but she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me from the inside. If so, then high blood pressure may not be far behind. Warm regards, She constantly tells me she doesnt want a relationship anymore and wants to be alone, but she still demands the amount of time that she had before and acts exactly the same. See what I. The sad thing is when these ppl start showing their age and dont have their sh$t together. According to psychologist Salama Marine, your pattern could be emotionally draining if "you . Im sick of having nothing in my life matter. Your Dilemmas: My girlfriend's negative energy is dragging me down. Here are some ways this may happen. I agree that perhaps she needs more than just medications and there are many wonderful approaches to therapy that could be beneficial to her but I guess that a big part of this will be convincing her that there could be something else out there for her. Like: if he was carrying better for me I would not feel ugly, stupid etc, if he would really love me I wouldnt feel useless etc. Stress can cause all sorts of problems. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment. We do love each other, but her depression, mixed with her anxiety about our future as parents of the same child, is becoming too much for me to remain hopeful. I had a 3 month relationship with a depressed woman and it was comparable to a roller coaster ride at Disney land ups and downs it was beyond this world everything was my fault problems was created and misery was the icing on the cake.
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